You bang on about Bannockburn and the fields of Flodden
I keep pissing in the ocean and my feet are sodden
Our mother can't stop greeting, Dad's too thick to understand
And Grandad's still in Ypres – can you tell it to Nan?
Ask if the Bristol slavers ever docked at Leith
And when we scuttle Trident, if we still need teeth?
You've always been the clever one, I'm just a Tory toff
Have we ever had a Queen who cut her own head off?
We're going to have a King, and then another, yes, they're mean
Could their hearts be on the left side and their blood part green?
Folks still can go to Gretna and both keep their name
Will you play it where it lies or take your wee ball and gae hame?
We bridged the Forth together and let's not forget the Fifth
The lion is our savage and the unicorn's a myth