Sunday, March 8, 2009


i became a real smoker the day liz called the cops: june 2, 2007. after getting out of palo alto, and before getting home and calling laura, i bought a pack of newports at valero on middlefield. it would last less than a day.

newport is the only brand i can feel at all anymore; i missed them in england. smoking for me is both physical and psychological: the head rush and the control. there's so much that i want to do, and even more that i want other people to do. and when i can't do it, and i can't make them do it, i can still have a cigarette.

i'm smoking five a day, a level i've never been able to maintain before. i usually 'quit' when my chest starts to hurt, and start again under stress.

1 comment:

  1. It's been a month since this post. You've done amazingly at quitting smoking. Except for that one time, which was gross like in a crack addict sort of way. I, for one, am very proud. I am as bad as a smoker in my habits, since I enjoy (non-menthol) second hand smoke quite a bit, but I have decided to quit hanging out outside with the smokers as well. Cheers to me!